Urgency to become more

“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise to return, as some people may think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, so he is giving more time for everyone to repent. But the day of the Lord will come as unexpectedly as a thief. Then the heavens will pass away with a terrible noise, and everything in them will disappear in fire, and the earth and everything on it will be exposed to judgment. Since everything around us is going to melt away, what holy, godly lives you should be living!” 2 Peter 3:9-11

It is an overwhelming feeling that arises up within me, one that leaves me feeling as though my insides are on fire, crying out to be relieved of the pressure that has become so strong it is reaching the point of suffocation.  This strong sense of urgency that consumes my soul is the very thing that also consumed the soul of Jeremiah.

“O Lord, you persuaded me, and I allowed myself to be persuaded. You are stronger than I am, and you overpowered me. Now I am mocked by everyone in the city. Whenever I speak, the words come out in a violent outburst. Violence and destruction! I shout. So these messages from the Lord have made me a household joke. And I can’t stop! If I say I’ll never mention the Lord or speak in his name, his word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I am weary of holding it in!” Jeremiah 20:7-9

Not only do I feel and sense such an urgency in burning within me to share God’s word, I have this yearning, this hunger and thirst that goes beyond my gut, beyond what my mortal body can express, for such intimacy with Jesus. One that leaves my heart in constant desire to communicate, to grow, to express, to share, to step out of all comfortableness and into a place so uncomfortable it leaves me vulnerable, dependent, and ever so present with Christ.

A huge sense of joy fills every inch of my body when I ponder on that closeness with Christ not only for myself but for others as well.

Yet the Lord has brought me to a stopping point, one that has left me wide-eyed, broken, and even more desperate to walk in His likeness. And up to this point in my life I have been so blind, so unwilling …until now.

It is now that I am ready to become a real follower of Jesus Christ, a follower that unleashes this explosive amount of pressure within me.  A follower that has counted EVERY cost to follow Him and still takes that huge step over and says, “YES, yes Lord I have counted the cost and I am willing, I am ready, I am trusting and believing, and I will GO THE DISTANCE, despite what will lie ahead, what I will lose, what I will endure, how I will be mocked, etc.”

I have been a lover of Christ, but I have not been a follower, a disciple of Christ, I have been reserved, I have been weary and afraid of going the distance because of the fear of suffering, loneliness and rejection.

Oh Father forgive me for believing I have truly been a follower of You, when I have been clinging to the security of myself, my family, my possessions. Lord design within me a new heart, the heart that beats as Yours beats, hungers for what You hunger for, and follows You no matter the cost. Lord make my heart like Yours. Amen